The Snow is Falling
In over my head. Standing over a ledge. Holding my breath. If God doesn’t show up I’m not going to make it.
This is my current state. A strange balanced state that I’ve grown uncomfortably comfortable with because it has pushed me into two options: trusting or falling. But it’s when I’ve stood over these ledges I’ve began to grasp a deeper understanding of what it means to trust. To fully succumb to the full love and power of God.
I recently picked up a little project. Well, what I thought would be a little project.
“So basically I have families from the park turn in wish lists and then connect them with families outside the park,” was Michael’s explanation to a Christmas initiative he did during his time at the park. (Note: this conversation also involved the dumping of Michael’s coffee over his laptop, inevitably, because I don’t think you can talk to the guy without laughing. In a good way.)
In essence, it works like this: families are “adopted” and gifts are donated, then Christmases are brighter and Jesus is shared. Seems simple, right? That’s what we thought.
With this being our first Christmas in the park we truly had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. What I thought would be a couple hours of my free time has turned into many 1am nights and 5am mornings, including but not limited to, many typos, miscommunications, list mix ups and gibberish half-awake sentences.
If you are someone donating this year and have been included in the mess, I simultaneously apologize as well as applaud you for stickin’ with me. And if you are one of the few who doesn’t really know what I’m talking about then please disregard and carry on… (que nervous laugh)
This has also been a huge sacrifice on Austin’s end who hasn’t seen me in full consciousness and functionality for a few weeks now.
{Boyfriend brag moment: Austin is constantly supporting and advocating on my behalf and the park’s. He is always behind the scenes picking up the things I drop. I am so beyond thankful that when God called me to embark on this journey, Austin decided to come with me. It would have been understandable for him to call me crazy and step back, but instead he jumped in full force with me. Yep, you can agree with me, he is indeed Goals.}
Anyways, in 13 days 80+ people will be celebrating Christmas with the distributed donated gifts. And as of tonight, I have no gifts. None. I really do have faith they are coming, because I have been in communication with God’s soldiers who have told me they are coming.
But tonight I will admit I am resting on that ledge. I look back though and see how God has shown up through the multitude of people eager to love on this community with me. I haven’t even met many of those giving this year, which leaves me amazed. I am just so thankful for everyone.
So as I sit here with a gift-less house, I can also rest in the promise that it will soon be gloriously filled. It may have been easier, and arguably more logical, if I waited for the gifts to come in before I told the recipients they would even be receiving any, but then I would not get to fully rely and experience God. I would not get to see my prayers being answered, I would not be reminded of my need for Him and the community He has blessed me with.
I cannot provide Christmas for 80+ people.
You alone cannot provide Christmas for 80+ people.
But Jesus, Jesus can.
If He provided for us before we took the step, we would never understand what it means to fully trust Him.
As difficult as it is to take the step that makes you feel like you’re in over your head, standing over the ledge or anxiously waiting for God to move, you can be sure that it will also bring about indescribable freedom.
Taking steps of faith means it is no longer you trying to figure it out but God. And better yet, He already has it figured out. So take the step. That’s when you get to experience the greatness of what He is capable of. So maybe standing over the ledge is where I want to be.
I also learned that next year this Christmas process will begin much earlier, as well as all these gifts are definitely not going to fit into my trailer.