Coming Back

I pulled into the Oxford driveway. The same driveway that six years ago Alyssa and I sat in with our Arby's chicken, before it was "our" driveway. We dreamed BIG about all the stories we would have years from now. Stories that would take place in this very driveway. We admired the beautiful, large tree and talked about how the big porch was an absolute must for House of Hope life. It wasn't ours yet, in fact at that moment someone else was putting an offer on it. But as we sat there that day, we knew, and we let ourselves dream. 

.....

Now it is years later, what feels like a lifetime. I sit in that driveway again with a whole rush of emotions. 

A little backstory: I took a year off of living in one of our neighborhoods because I could feel the burn out coming, and you are no good to anyone if you are burnt out. After I made the decision to take a year off, through an absolutely God orchestrated way, I was invited to live on Kairos Farm, owned by the Nelson's, who quickly became family to me.

When my year at the farm came to a close, I felt the pull to come back to one of our neighborhoods as a people plant. Except this time, I had a much clearer view of what might be in store.  

See, when HOHM first started, Alyssa and I were 19. We didn't have much adult experience outside of HOHM, it was really all we ever knew. I joke about it sometimes, except it's not really a joke, about how if we didn't start HOHM at 19 we probably wouldn't have started at all. Truth is, we didn't know the full extent of what we were getting into, which worked for our benefit. I don’t think I would be brave enough at 27 to do what we did at 19. I thank God often for my 19yr old faith. 

Now, I sit again in that driveway, six years from our Arby's chicken. My car parked with all my belongings packed in. Staring at the beautiful, large tree showing off her fall colors. Tears formed in my eyes because for so long all I knew was HOHM, but over the past year, I experienced something that in its own ways was just as beautiful at Kairos Farm, and my heart was hurting in the process of letting it go. There was a much greater sense of reality sitting in that driveway six years later, because six years in, you know things. 

Then the sound of a "plop" alarmed me to my surroundings. A young boy had ditched his bike in the grass next to my car and hopped up onto the porch, centering himself in the view of my windshield. His little 9 year old hand waved excitedly, oblivious to my internal wave of emotions. 

Instantly I smiled back. I know this kid. I have known him for years. I know his favorite color. I know his birthday. I know the names of his siblings. I know the day he was baptized because I had the honor of being part of it. I know that the bike he plopped in the yard was given to us by a HOHM supporter before it was given to him. 

Six years in, you know things.

It was a long day of letting go, but I get out of the car to greet him and he tells me all about the fish he caught. My exhausted smile is genuine, I missed this part.

As he talks, I open the trunk of my car to grab a stack of books and without missing a beat, he grabs the biggest stack his 9yr old arms can carry and follows me up the steps. His laughter is loud and contagious as he tries not to trip, the swaying stack of books blocking his view. 

Together, load after load, we carried in all my books as he tells me about his favorite memories that took place in this very house. We talk about fishing and school, friends and siblings, and as he laughs, two more friends join us for juice boxes on the big porch that we always knew was a must for House of Hope. 

Six years ago Alyssa and I sat in that very driveway, looking at an empty porch and could only dream of this. 

God is so faithful. 

With all the transitions lately, the question I have been asked the most is "do you miss the farm?" 

The short answer is yes, of course. For so many reasons.

But I think what people really want to know is "how do you feel about being at Oxford?" 

The short answer is, I'm honored. Absolutely honored and astonished that God would look at me all these years later and still say "You. I want you to do this" 

Coming in as a House of Hope people plant at 27 is different than coming in at 19. It’s more than a collection of dreams. The dreams are still there, but they are accompanied with memories, pictures and testimonies of what’s already been done. I know the life change God is capable of because I have seen it. I know the stories this big porch has held because I have heard them. I know the feeling of a circle of hands and sounds of knocks on the door, because I have already answered the door a million times. I know everything poured out will be worth it because I have seen and felt the love that comes from it. I know seeds will be planted and I know that some of them I will be lucky enough to see grow, because I have already bore witness. 

Six years in, you know more things. 

I don’t know everything that is to come, but I know God is faithful. 

I know Oxford is exactly where I want to be.

-Brooke