The Why

“We learned that some of the most therapeutic experiences do not take place in “therapy”, but in naturally occuring healthy relationships. What healed children like Peter, Justin, Amber and Laura were the people around them, their families, their friends, the folks who respected them, were tolerant of their weaknesses and vulnerabilities and who were patient in helping them slowly build new skills. Whether it was the coach who allowed Ted to keep team statistics, mama P. who helped teach Virgina how to nurture Laura, the first graders who took Peter under their wing and protected him, or the many incredible adoptive parents of so many of my patients- all of them provided the most important therapy that these children ever received. Because what they needed most was a rich social environment, one where they could belong and be loved.” (The boy who was raised as a dog. DR. Bruce D Perry)

This book has solidified so many things I knew, but sometimes need to be reminded. Sometimes the things our kids come to us with are bigger than what I know how to handle. I can get caught up in thinking they need someone with more experience, training, the right letters after their name.  However, while these things are important, there is a significant difference we can make for our kids by just being present and supportive, offering a place for them to come where they can belong and be loved. 

We live in a fast paced world with so much disconnect. Developing supportive relationships that teach children resilience takes time and patience, something I don’t think our world is very good at right now and the impact that a lack of relationship and community will have on our kids is devastating. One thing I have learned from House of Hope over the years and was reminded of while recently embracing our Oxford students, is you don’t know when something is going to happen. Trauma and tragedy does not send a “Save the Date”. Having those loving relationships in place before a traumatic event, and present in the aftermath could make all the difference in the long run. 

Dr. Bruce D. Perry also points out in his book The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog, it is often the children who are most at risk for trauma who are the least likely to have access to healthy supportive relationships. He states “because it is exactly those children who are most vulnerable to trauma who are least likely to have a healthy, supportive family and community, it is exceedingly difficult to provide effective help through current systems we have in place. Because healthy communities themselves are often what prevents interpersonal traumatic events from occurring in the first place, the breakdown of social connection that is common in our highly mobile society increases everyone’s vulnerability.”

One of the ways that House of Hope combats our fast paced, disconnected society for our children is through our Mentoring program. In our Mentoring program a child is matched with a safe, supportive adult who takes time out of their schedule each month to invest in a child. This adult could be you. We are currently looking for mentors, especially for some of our boys. This can look like going out for lunch, ice cream, playing games or hiking, whatever the child has an interest in. The goal being every child in the program gains another healthy adult relationship to support them when life gets tough, because at some point it does, for all of us. You have probably heard at some point the saying “kids are resilient”. But the truth is, resilience is not something you are born with, but something that is taught. Yes, kids learn fast, the younger they are the more new connections they are making everyday, but still, resilience is a learned skill. A skill that is taught through falling down and seeing there are people to pick them up, the scabs on their knees will heal and their twisted ankle will regain its strength. In the words of Josh Shipp “every child is one caring adult away from being a success story” and that adult could be you. 

-Brooke